happy

"Feeling happy and so full inside", said to a friend yesterday. And now you would expect to hear what makes me happy. well, for not particular reasons, or for a huge thing, you choose.

I draw an Osho's card yesterday and got the following.

39. Possibilities

Mind can accept any boundary anywhere. But the reality is that, by its very nature, existence cannot have any boundary, because what will be beyond the boundary? - again another sky.

That's why I am saying skies upon skies are available for your flight. Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small: small are their joys, small are their ecstasies, small are their silences, small is their being. But there is no need! This smallness is your own imposition upon your freedom, upon your unlimited possibilities, upon your unlimited potential.

Osho Live Zen Chapter 2

Commentary:

The eagle has an overview of all the possibilities contained in the landscape below, as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained.

This card indicates that you are at a point where a world of possibilities is open to you. Because you have grown more loving towards yourself, more self-contained, you can work easily with others. Because you are relaxed and at ease, you can recognize possibilities as they present themselves, sometimes even before others can see them. Because you are in tune with your own nature, you understand that existence is providing you with exactly what you need.

Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before you.

Ha !! it puts into words things i had in mind. "relaxed and at easy" is what I meant by Happy. Its happines isn't it ?

fragile and not fragile

Its been a weeks since I left hospital and returned home. Everything went pretty well. The surgery was succesful and the people ( doctors, nurses, other patients) were nice. For the next couple of months I have to be very careful, doctor said because I can harm myself. Its my turn now, doctor said to make my job.

There is something very fragile and feeling so strong in heart and mind ans soul its confusing. feels like the body and me are two different entities and they have to collaborate together to heal. There is no opposition, no. Just the pains and the difficulties are not me.

The body walks with difficulties, it gets tired, it pains but I feel like flying. This thing is not over yet. In a few months I 'll have to go again to the hospital and have a similar operation. Not a party time, I assure you, yet it doesn't scare me a lot.

A good friend use to say. "don't call it "my" illness". Nowdays I have thins in mind, because I understand what he means. Even in a fragile body, there is a little place that is strong, a spring of strenght and courage and positive thinking.

The day of the operation, i met my doctor outside my surgery room. I told him. " I know you are going to do a fine work". I knew it. its not a wish. I knew it. after ther surgery he told me " we did a fine work". See I told you, I respond and smiled.

Now , i'm at home. Mostly at bed when I don't do my exercise or my walks. I have to be careful. Sometimes a pain worries me if something is wrong, if I did a mistake and ruined what was fixed, because they body is fragile, and I have to take care of it.

We are fragile and strong at the same time and when are both entities are well together things are well. In this body that pains, I'm feeling good, because I live in that little space, by the source, holding my mojo bag.

I own a big thank you to the one learn me to trust. I feel grateful that God arranged that meeting and gave me a second change. How one can show their graditude when we have helpers from above ? Just take care of the gift, I think.

My first week at home. Being home is nice...

no music

photo from here

a fire burned the piano

the music stopped

dancers left the stage

…just a stage ?

or its an end ?

body's memories

Mistily images from the past have make their appearance in mind's screen.

But the body sees them clearly. It curls up, whithout reason , in a reflecting way. It needs protection from those stranger's hands.

They say that the body remember, more than we can recollect. This body, starts to remember and a cold current runs over it. She wants to escape or push them away but she can't. How a small body can fight against those big hands ?

I guess , those hands where of the doctors trying to heal me, of nurses taking care of me yet , those days those hands bring shivers in my spine.

There is a long periord of my life, that I have not concious memories. There are informations I need to know but they are locked. Seems that the body starts remembering and me too.

I don't know what to say.

Ignore the words , just see the image I made.

There lays the story...

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under construction

photo from National Geographic

I'll be away for some time. Hopefully, will be back soon .

I have to pack now. A small suitcase , few clothes my origani papers and the people I wish I had with me now in my Mojo bag. They can't be there, each one for their own reasons...

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keep walking

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.

Confucius

Walking is very painful for me nowdays. Painkillers just give me a few hour of less pain, time to gather again myself and keep walking. The less I walk, the less make the strong pain appears, but the less I walk, the less make muscles strong. So I have to keep walking.

This pain , soon, will be replaced from another pain. They say that will be servere aswell, but there is something different in that. It would be, hopefully, a healing pain. SoI have to keep walking.

That day, because of external curmunstances , is not here yet. Waiting drains me. There are moments that I lose my patience, there are moments that seconds last a century , there are moments I tempted to quit. Yet, I won't give up. So I have to keep walking.

They say "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional" .In my case, the pain I'm talking about is inevitable indeed. I have no choice about it. Yet, I can choose wheather will turn that pain to suffering or not. And I choose to keep walking.

crawling, limping, dragging, trudging..... yet.... keep walking.

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friction forces

All rights reserved by adriano zanni

.

The friction between hip and joint
wears and tears both of them

Body’s survival instinct sends its army.
Arrows dipped on stiffness and tightness
and bombs of pain to seize the movement

.

The friction between you and me
wears and tears me.

Wrapped with a white sheet
holding flags of truce and parley
sending a request of seizing fire.

.

I don’t shout “surrender” I don’t feel “defeat”
even fallen on the floor ,I’ll not quit.

I know you are seeking me in places I’m absent
I know you can see me in Past’s battlefields.

I feel what you’re feeling, I know what you mean
I hear your mistrust, your worries your care.

and during my absence, your presence is there.

.

“Trust me , wait for me “, my white flag says.
“fall seven times, stand up eight” the war drums play.

Just give me some time to stand up , to heal

to be present again , and then we will see.

respond

.....Jaliya said...

the kernel wields

an abrupt

birth

isn't it awesome ? Thanks Jaliya :)

Read more: http://horseandmoon.blogspot.com/2010/11/abrupt.html#comments#ixzz14sfDABYWt

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abrupt

Playing with the words from Three Word Wednesday

abrupt, kernel, wield

Winds abruptly change

wielding powers sinks the ship

down at the seadbed

a shell seals its kernel.

I thought I was transparent

you could see my pearl

winds abruptly changed

you call it sand now.

Swinging boat,abruptly

Wind

blows from the past

I yield to the wielder

Wait for me , I'll be back

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over......

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foolish games

crane's song

When you sing a crane's song

don't give up when not heard.

This is how a crane's song is.

when not heard, take heart

and keep singing.

Cranes just sing.

Keep singing, from your heart

Alone or with company.

Thats the beauty of crane's song.

With company, wine tastes better

so take heart and keep singing.

That's what cranes do.

" I have a good goblet.

I will share it with you" *

That's the cranes song

Don't quit. Keep singing

Perhaps someone will come.

.

* Wilhelm/ Baynes translation "I Ching: Or, Book of Changes" Line 61.2

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court

while

attorney and judge quarrel

heart

pro se waits to speak.

.

.

memory

Him : Are you Happy

Her : Yeah !!

Him : Me too !

this is not from the movie of course but its a recent memory of mine.

Joel, at "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", at that scene says to Clementine :

“I could die right now, Clem. I’m just happy. I’ve never felt like that before. I’m just exactly where I want to be.”

I’m just exactly where I want to be.” ......what a bliss !!! ........No ?

Time moves on , things change, yet there is that memory of a moment being where you really want.

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pain Killer

when painkillers don't work

I become a pain Killer

almost succeeds

yet heart still aches

the door

Truman show is one of my favorite movies. Lately it come into my mind. First a scene, the last one, and the next day through a friend . ha !

Truman was living a happy life in an ideal world Seaheaven till the day he felt that something was wrong. When sure , he overcomes his fear of the sea , takes a sailboat to leave, almost die in an artificial storm, the obstracles the Creator put to keep him there, till he reaches the end of the world , the wall of the dome.

“If his was more than just a vague ambition, if he was absolutely determined to discover the truth, there's no way we could prevent him” Cristof said , and it was Truman determination that made him seize the storm.

So, Truman , at the end of the world, finds a ledge and as If walking on water, climbs the stairs leading to a door, the “exit” , as the sign reads. Christof tries to persuade him stay , Truman is silent and then he bows , says goodbye and crosses the door leading to the unknown but real world. He could’t stay there , because this wasn’t his world and he was different , a True -man .

"I want to be an explorer, like the Great Magellan" , said Truman, in his school class when a young boy. His teacher respond “Oh, you're too late! There's nothing left to explore!”

You are too late, you are too young you are too old ... you are this ... you are that ... you aren’t this , you aren’t that.... a very common script we read to our life’s movies. And just in case we don’t buy it, here come the fears. When we need to cross the great water how can we do that if you fear of water ? And lets say we do it and reach at the top of the flight of stairs. A heavenly-like setting and a door that leads to a dark one. Scary isn’t it ? Sometimes we walk back, sometimes we cross that door and those moments are where we can choose. its our choice and no matter what we do out-there its a relief to know that it was our choice.

I remember , when watching that movie , said to Truman. “Good luck, take care”

I can relate to him now-days, being in front of that door. And some times fear overwhelms me and hear the tape of “you are too old, you are too young....” Yet, there are times that going along with script some-others wrote for us is not what we want.

“Are you running away ?” some people asked me . “NO” i said, “I'm going home”
I walking those stairs now, and when I’ll reach that door I’ld like to be a sunny morning and the sky will be heavenly blue, i’ll bow and say "In case I don't see you ... good afternoon, good evening, and good night,

Take care Truman, good luck and wish me luck too. I’m on my way

return of colors

Colors escaped the prison’s wall

and returning

to the black and white photo

White clouds dancing in the sky

and from the green grass

red puppies will blossom

in a while...

see, I told you !

those black clouds

hold colors inside

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see

Naked she was standing in front of his eyes

Eyes that penetrate every inch of her body
Eyes that could see under her skin.

She didn’t felt like covering her nudity

Among the sword eyes , his are like sunbeams.
Warm sunbeam caressing her being.

No.

She didn’t want to hide her body

Just laid on the sand
surrendered to the sun’s warmth

No.

She

didn’t hide her tears either.

A river of sadness and joy

Singing a simple song :

You see , you see

YOU see ME.

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chalk marks

image by horse and moon

Another bad dream

was written on the chalkboard

With closed eyes

grabbing the sponge

to wipe off any memory.

.

The chalk marks are now just dust

.

...... apart those eyes

full of tears.

.

.

Whose eyes are they?

Why they are crying?

What pain they unleash?

.

.

answers and chalk prints are now pure dust

.

...... apart those eyes

.

full of tears.

.

.

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reasons

The space between us

memories

of past and future

but..

what about now ?

.

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auntie nuts

Well, yes, I have to admit that I'm an auntie, nuts about her nieces !!

What you see in the photo is the present they got for me while in vacations. They choose it for me. I can't describe how it felt. We have a beautiful relationship and I love them immensely and makes me melt the way they express their love.

It would be nice , we the grown ups, express and accept love like children do.

Yes ?

win ?

Some times

we stay

To fight and win

Some others

we win

when we leave

.

some times

we give up

some others

we move on

.

at the end of the day

we will know...

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try not

Luke : All right, I'll give it a try.

Yoda : No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.

I tried.

It didn’t work

So

I did it.

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