one month

one month since you left.

No, its not easy

yes, i miss you a lot

a family

“Martin disappears and a family appears”, said a friend of Martin's in her farewell speech.

And me, a member of this family. A family which consists of people I have never met in blood and flesh before but I knew little story’s about them. Beautiful, kind, warm people living miles away from me but I feel so close to them. One might say, “this is not a family!” but to me feels like one. I can’t explain it with words. There is something special that bonds us and the bond himself is not here anymore, so each of us has the other to create the place for the one we miss and create a place to share ourselves too.

Martin brought us together and he arranged a big party where we could celebrate. That was his wish. That party was because of his death but I felt that is was about life. “A life that it can be shared is a stolen life” says a song and I’m grateful that among other gifts I got a new family too, to share, to give and receive.

He got us together and I hope we keep it together. I'm loking forward for the reunion, to rise our glasses and toast once again to Martin, to us, to life.

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that night...

artist: UJean

Around midnight the sun came out and shone bright.
Awesome !
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I read next day’s newspapers. Nothing was written about it.
Nothings about the moon’s spells and sun’s warmth.
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Nobody saw that , but me.
And I know nothing about that.
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Struggling to find a word to describe it.

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Asking my mind, it says “don’t know”
Asking my heart and it says “bliss”

another way

I ‘m standing here
at my side of the bridge
although I know
you‘ll not be there
for our appointment.

My fingertips
still remember
your cold hands
yet

they try to reach you.


I have to find another way

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migration

A dear friend left this planet. I try to talk about him but then I talk to him and he talk me back and then I forget what I wanted to write.

We had good times and bad times but we could talk and dissolve the black clouds. An open sharing, what else one needs.

I’m sad and I cry and then he comes and talks to me and makes me laugh. I try to think if every was said between us. Nothing important is missing, I shared them with him. For the only thing I’m not very sure is if I said him enough times that I love him.

Have a wonderful journey to your new home penguin.

Love you
That girl

filling up

not empty

neither full

art byAnji Johnston

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without title

Concealed, revealed,
In the unknown, in the un-manifest.
Rumi


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enthusiasm

Long time ago I was talking with a friend about faith, trust, God , universe, you know all those questions. With my mind I understood perfectly what he was talking about but my heart haven’t got a clue . I use Yijing for guidance and the readings I got lately echoed his words. But this time, I could understood and every another- time I understand better. The last couple of days I was looking for an answer hidden in the lines of gua 16. Wilhelm’s Enthusiasm. Then I went to LiSe’s website to read her 16. The word inspiration everywhere but it didn’t really made sense. I was looking for an answer how to do something I had in mind and I couldn’t find it . Sometimes , when I feel I can’t understand the obvious I go to a dictionary to look up for the words. So, I did and here it is what I found

enthusiasm, from Gk. enthousiasmos, from enthousiazein "be inspired". The source of the word is the Greek enthousiasmos, which ultimately comes from the adjective entheos, "having the god within," formed from en, "in, within," and theos, "god."

I went back to my reading. And it was clear. Maybe there are still things I haven’t see yet, but I know where is the way out.

It’s “That within” . And even if you have to face big challenges, “That within” has a voice which says “everything will be OK” And more than ever, I understand.
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show off

The other day I got an invitation so I had to think whether I should say yes or no. I tried to think all the possible what-if- I-do-it/ what-if-I-don’t scenarios . I found myself unable to predict the answers, actually I laughed with myself. I had to Ask Yi too. Not sure for its answer too. So I just did it, without really expecting something. Without any concern about the result, I started writing the story and it was really fun to do it.

Here it is …


... And yes I'm showing off , hahaha

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firmly floating

A friend told me the following, couple of days ago. Oh, I wish I could put into paper all the thought aroused that saying in my mind. I choose to post it here without analyzing. Some things are simply beautiful and I think its better them that way.


"... aware of existing in a place of infinate possiblity,
he plants his feet firmly on the ground,
which floats in space ... "



Only thing I want is to add that picture, the first thing came in my mind when I hear my friend's words.

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almond tree

Blossoming Almond Tree- Vincent Van Gogh

I was looking at some drafts and wanted to choose some of them to catch up a bit. Thoughts about the difficulties I had to go through, feelings, etc, etc. But I won’t. I’ll leave them in my notebooks as they are because something else wants to be told. Those difficulties are not over yet, and probably others will come but what it matters now, its that I can smile.

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When we have choose a path and things drags us away from that if we don’t forget that we can return again , we can smile. “Exit and enter without angst” says Yi ching's hex 24, with the words of a friend. And in absence of angst there is a place for a smile.

Now, I’m writing this, I’m thinking of putting some links of previous posts that come in my mind now, about dives in the abysmal water, but its not necessary. Somewhere inside us there is a reservoir of experience, our history, a record of where we come from. And in this blog some parts of that history have be written. No need to repeat them. Its history. What is more important is where we go. We walk in a path with our book of life in a pocket like a survival kit. And we move on, with a little more experience. Just a little more higher as Seferis says in his poem.

Just a little more
And we shall see the almond trees in blossom
The marbles shining in the sun
The sea, the curling waves.
Just a little more
Let us rise just a little higher.

p.s. Van Gogh's Almond tree was one of the most indifferent painting to me, till I saw the original painting and changed my mind. Its the smile I'm talking about.



photo credits

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biggie... lol

Wow, its been ages since I last blog here. Many things have happened that dragged me away from my blog. And the more I don’t write, the more I want the first return post be perfect. Lol, my perfectionism

So this is my first "return" blog entry. Not a biggie but great at the same time.
Wandering around , I missed my home.

Still rusty, slow moving.

But…….. I’m coming back

Hi there.
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fit not

The great difference between a ride and a trip
Is the joy and the sorrow
they don’t fit in a ride


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Loose translation from a song


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Discardable

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Throwing away empty containers
Not useful anymore.
Making space on the shelf
for the new full ones.
Till they become empty too.

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goodbyes

Goodbyes are not easily spoken
You have to take that knife and cut the rop that holds you with the other
And it feels that you have to cut a piece of your heart too,
The piece where the others lives.

Then , one day,
You hear your self saying goodbye
With such a easyness, that makes you wonder.
“was that easy ?”
No, it wasn’t , just it needed time.

Some of this goodbyes are kind of magical
Because the one you disconnect with, returns.
Not in flesh and blood but in spirit.
Like he did. Absent and present.

In my dreams, that’s where I met him again.
Years after our last meeting.
I was talking to him and he was reading between the lines.
You know that feeling ?


With some people we are bond forever
even if we walk in different paths
And when air is not enough to breathe
that breeze says that goodbyes
ain't strong enough to cut that bonds.

Hi there !