Dec 31, 2008

it's a book !!!



Those days, I was gluing my blog entries and forming "kind of" a book. I noticed typos, wrong words and other kinds of mistakes. BUT those imperfections didn't reduce the magic of my *book*.

Same with my life during the last year.

While bookbinding, I had the chance to see again photos of past moments. Happy times and sad times. Smilies and tears.

My blog entries and my life have lots of imperfections but I really don't feel sad. Because, under those circumstanses, I did the best I could. Looking back, I think I could avoid many typos and choose better words, but I'm fine.

So today, in a loose way, I can tell "I got published". No big thing, because I'm the writer and the publisher at the same time. It was easy, lol.

I'm the writer and the publisher of a book with lots of imperfections.
.
Next time, I'll do it better. But for now, I'm fine with it.


Dec 30, 2008

shifts




Hi there,
Just wanted to tell you
That I am You now
I see in my mirror
You-Then

I need to choose
Which self to wear
You-Now or Me-Then ?

I look in the mirror
Which fits me best.

Time for new clothes,
the mirror says

.

photo from Paris Parfait

Dec 29, 2008

dots and lines




Random dots
here and there

waiting for a hand

to draw a line

that makes sense





Photo from google

Dec 28, 2008

waterproof




Somewhere in the crowd
there is a woman.

It rains
but she doesn't get wet.

Maybe she wears
an invisible raincoat.
.

Dec 27, 2008

don't ask






Promises that can't be kept
shouldn't be said
I won't promise you anything
it's not fair
neither for you, nor for me


.

Dec 26, 2008

scouts vs guides

Guido Van Der Werve: Everything is going to be alright

H : Wow !Looks like the tiny man leads the huge icebreaker. The ship looks like a tamed big animal. The Creative is tamed by Kên. Yes, very 26. Who opens the way ? The man or the ship or those two are one ? We see the man walking in a calmly and carefully way. Maybe he knows that one wrong step , a slip, would be fatal. the ship might kill him. Yes, everything is going to be alright, as long as he keeps his pace steady and his urge, to reach the shore, tamed.

M : Who opens the way? That is the feeling of it. Surely it isn't him, is it? Is that how it really is in life? Do we run reconnaissance ahead of ourselves, or act as a guide?

H : There is a thin line between scouting and guiding, as I see it. I’m not sure if it is always clear in our minds whether we are scouts or guides. Which information we let ourselves to see? Does a plan proceed or follow? Theoretically we know the answers but when it comes to a real situation, well, then it’s another issue. I see that film through the lens of my current challenges. In my eyes , now, the ship is not behind the man. That huge ship is inside the tiny man or he is surrounded from that huge potential energy. It reminds me of the times we come across to something really big and we don’t know what to do with it. It’s the beauty and the danger of the 29 river. Not an easy decision to step into the river and let it guide you. Too much resistance to let it be.

36.4





Entering the left belly.
Catching the heart of Hiding Brightness.
Coming out of front door and courtyard.

When one enters into the battle with fear, danger, unhappiness, obstruction, one might defeat them and show up again. As long as they are avoided, unconscious or set aside, they have more power than you.



When you are afraid of a monster you can run away from it and it might lose your traces. But can you live the rest of your life with that fear, that somewhere you will meet it again ?
The way I see that line, it doesn’t say run away but go where the monster is and deal with it. I think this is what Lise talks about. Deal with it and exit from that situation from the front door.
.
As a winner .





Dec 25, 2008

Christmas free




I wanted to write something about the real meaning of Christmas and the return of the light but this was not what it wanted to be written.

This year, Christmas day was quiet. No big gatherings, no “shoulds…., because its Christmas” .

This year, Christmas day was Christmas-free. And I enjoyed it because this was what I really wanted.

This year, Christmas day was Christmas-free ...
.
or it wasn't ?





photo

Dec 21, 2008

lets grrr together




A friend of mine going through difficult times. I’m not in a better position too. So nowadays, as you can imagine, when we chat there is a “grrr- part”. Sometimes its a long one , sometimes a brief one.

Today I came across to the following. I think Paolo Coelho wrote it.

The master says: "If you must cry, cry like a child."You were once a child, and one of the first things you learned in life was to cry, because crying is a part of life. Never forget that you are free, and that to show your emotions is not shameful. "Scream, sob loudly, make as much noise as you like. Because that is how children cry, and they know the fastest way to put their hearts at ease."Have you ever noticed how children stop crying? They stop because something distracts them. Something calls them to the next adventure. "Children stop crying very quickly."And that's how it will be for you. But only if you can cry as children do."

Ok, I know that there are people that suffer more than I do, they have to face greater and more important challenges than mine and I should be grateful that my problems are not that big or difficult as theirs. I know that, but…

…but this doesn’t mean that I can’t complain, be frustrated, grumpy, whimpering.
Complaining is not bad, as long as it has a cleansing purpose. All that noise in our mind doesn’t let us relax and sometimes when you take that noise out, it stops even for a while. Those days he is a crying baby and I’m a crying baby too. We need that. To clean inside and then be “present” to our meeting. We have fun after the “grrr-part”. We laugh, we tease each other, we talk about “more important” things, as one could say.

“Lets grr together” he told me the other day. I chuckled when I heard that. Because actually its not the “grr-part” that is the most important here. Is that you can do it together with someone else. And later you can make fun of your self about grumbling.

Some people say, “Don’t cry. It’s not that important. See the positive side.”
I like more the “Scream, sob loudly, make as much noise as you like.”

Cry baby, cry…



.

image : SAD Pony Guerilla Girl. by About a Boy

Dec 19, 2008

empty


Not much to give anymore.
Don’t want to, can’t do it.
Too tired.


Spend everything I had .
Nothing has left.
I’m drained

And now it’s time,
to sit back in my chair,
and fill what is empty.

it's your turn now…
.


.

Dec 14, 2008

light


"Good God!
How much blue colour you wasted
so that we won't see you.."

Odysseas Elytis
.

Dec 13, 2008

under the carpet


The work of graffiti artist Banksy

Sometimes people try to hide a problem , ignore unpleasant things and pretend or even forget them. They sweep things under the carpet and give the impression that there is not problem at all.

But the problem exists. Under the carpet.

In a place I live, some people instead of cleaning the floor use to lift up the rug and sweep the dirt and dust under it. The other day, I took the vacuum to clean a bit. Couldn’t stand the dust anymore. Some other residents then, annoyed from the vacuum cleaner’s noise told me to turn it off. Everything is clean here, they said.

But there is dirt, under the carpet.
.

Dec 10, 2008

virtual dog


It's been a long time since I had a dog. I like dogs a lot but with the schedule I have ,that is impossible. It would be all day alone and I won't be able to take care of it. And that is not fair for it. If i had one , it would be as the one in the picture. He is Blacky, my virtual dog.

Dec 6, 2008

exit

Photo by Bea Kotecka
You choose to be elsewhere.
It was more valuable for you.
you told me...

I’m not your treasure
So don’t ask me, to give you back,
those you didn’t gave me.

Everything I have gather,
its for the ones
who treasure them.

And I exit…

Nov 29, 2008

heaven on earth

Originally uploaded by eyecatcher

MOYERS: Eden was not, Eden will be.
CAMPBELL: Eden is.

Nov 22, 2008

dialogue



I try to write
But nothing is written
words are escaping
don’t want to be caught

And you, my heroin
You don’t help me at all

Is that because
I give you a home
And ask you to live there
But it’s not yours ?

You don’t want riches?
You don’t want fame?

Don’t ask me, you tell me.
I’m just a fiction.
Your are the real .
The choice is yours.

You know what I like
You know what I don’t
But as for the choice
You know its yours.

Nov 21, 2008

lace

Bond of Union by MC Escher

because , what we need is to intertwine .... me thinks



Nov 18, 2008

geometry



Alice Smith, was written on the envelope and the sender unknown to her. Till she opened it and remembered that day in an antique shop, somewhere in the city. A wooden box, a man, an internet forum, an other world. Virtual worlds and the opposite of them, real. Virtual friends, virtual companies, virtual relationships, real friends, real friends, real relationships according to the dictionaries. Two intersecting circles, two worlds that are met and the common plane of them is Alice.

Points and individuals , lines and lifes. Asymptotic lines and intersecting. Lines forming triangles, rectangles, circles. Virtual or real? ‘ It is important?

«Virtual», «real», “Smith” is simply adjectives and surnames. The adjectives identify the nouns/essential but Alice, where the two worlds meet, decide to keep only the essential(nouns) and to redefine. Εκει που οι κύκλοι τέμνονται. There , where the circles intersect. Commonplace, empty place, innovative place.

A wooden box, an accident, a man. At the beginning unconnected events that at some time the are linked, affect and change the life of Alice. Σχεσεις Relationships that begin, relationships strengthen relationships that strengthen relationships ending relationships that change form.

All this in a meeting place somewhere between the virtual and real, according to the definitions of Alice and not of the dictionaries.

Nov 5, 2008

Nov 2, 2008

all you need is...

Circle of friends by Karin Bartimole

Lately I hear that song in my mind.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love”

Sometimes love is not enough but we , all, need love. To give and to take. We need to feel belonging and acceptance from our family, friends, teachers and our significant other. Sometimes this exchange flow easily , some others not.

I heard a psychologist said that in the past it was believed that parents should not spoil their children and put restrictions to the things the children ask. The child must learn that s/he is not the center of the world and many parents act like that. Its not complitely wrong but some times what it happened is to have a hungry child. There are psychologists now, that they say “spoil your chilren !!! “ Feed them, don’t leave them hungry. Nourish them.

Nourisment. That’s what we take from our relationships. Emotional nourishent. Emotional fuulfilment.. But sometimes we choose the wrong sources of nourisment. That’s has to do with how nurished or starving is our soul. And that makes a big difference. If we are full , we increase the others and we increase our self too. It’s a win-win situation. But if we are ravenous , we consume the other and let our self to be consumed .

Hunger is a very bad counselor when we relate to others. Its like when you are on a diet . Don’t skip any meal, it’s the advise. Eat well, because if you don’t there will be a moment that you will consume everything you find in fron of you in a wolfish way.

Cook for you self and if you don’t know, learn how to cook. Ask your friends . Thats why friends are for. That’s what relationships are for. To teach you how to cook or for exchanging recipies. Not to cook for you. Rely to your self for your nourishent. That is the great fun of the “lunches with friends”.

Cook for your friends and let them cook for you.

And cook for the most important person in your life; cook for you.

.

.

Oct 20, 2008

yield

Someday ago I observed myself doing something that really surprised me in a positive way. It was something new to me and couldn’t understand how it happened , so I asked Yi for an insight. How did that happened , was the question and the answer I got 2.2 “straight, square, great” .

Chuckled because I didn’t do anything, things just happened. Not by accident and not under any plan, without any effort to achieve something. But with nothing, something was done.
Brad in his 2.2 comments says “ If life is too short, make it wider, if too thin, go deeper, if amazed, rise up, if this is not enough, live again, or be someone else” Indeed felt like being someone else, like another general, different than the usual one, took charge of the army and the only order gave was “Yield !” .

Was like walking in a path and the only view you had was till were you toes stopped. You couldn’t see nothing further but not feeling anxiety about it , not fear for the unknown , or what the result would be of walking that way because there was a feeling of being in the right track and following the one who knows better, a part of yourself that know better than the “logical “ mind.

LiSe says “One accomplishes what one is or lives, not what one does.”

What we are ? Which is the real us ? What we show is what we are ? And if not, what it is ?
.
.

Oct 19, 2008

For the last couples of days I had that strong feeling that something was going on with a friend. I felt he wasn’t well. It was one of those gut feelings, they come out of the blue and you can’t reason them. You just feel them. Do you know what I mean ?

I hesitated to ask him directly and I just tell him a “hi”. He didn’t respond both times. In other case I wouldn’t worried a lot. It’s his way. But this time that gut feeling was so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. Finally I asked him “ Are you ok ?”

Possible answers I would expect : a) I’m pretty well or b) I don’t wish to talk about it.
It is his way.
I got another answer.

Can gut feelings be wrong ? It seems they can. This is why we find difficulties to trust them and if we do or say somethings because of them when we are asked why did we say that we can't give a reasonable answer.


.
.

Oct 18, 2008

wordless




It is said that there are three elements in any face –to-face communication : words, tone of voice and body language. According to Albert Mehrabian words account 7%, tone of voice 38%, and body language accounts 55 %. For an effective and meaningful communication , especially about emotions those three elements need to support each other.


But sometimes words its the only tool we have to communicate. Its not the perfect but the only we have. Say that we communicate with our distant friend by e-mail, we only can use words which means 7% of the total message. Sometimes is not a problem but when it comes to express felling then we have to be very careful. We humans think in images and feelings and to translate the image language and the feeling language into word –which unfortunately hold different meanings- to convey them to a message ultimately we lose essentials information. And when the receiver interprets our message even more things are lost. So misunderstandings may appear because of the translations stages a image or a feeling has to go through and become another image or feeling at the other side.

I used to get angry when the other didn’t understand me. But in situations that I value a relationship I try to limit that. I want to believe that when two people have a good relationship when those misunderstandings occur they try to solve them. Especially when the 93% of our tools is not available.

Today I’m sad because of an argument with a friend. I can’t understand what really happened so I tried to ask him, to help me understand. With the 7% of my communication ability I make an effort to translate the picture I had in my mind. I didn’t succeed.

I don’t know what else to do. Words don’t help anymore. I just wish he knew the other 97%. Because words are the black and white in a painting and the rest of it are colours.

Colors make a difference. He teach me that.
.
.

Oct 14, 2008

Choice

Have you ever heard someone telling you that or even if s/he hasn’t told you have you ever felt that ? I’m talking about those people that they want to be loved but puss away the loved ones out of fear that loss or other bad things will follow.

“We know that we will die one day but we choose to live. We know that relationships will not last forever but we choose to get involved. We choose to risk to be abandoned, rejected, betrayed, hurt. We choose to live a future loss”. That individual said me that is an expert. I’m not so bear with my ignorance. I friend once told me. “I didn’t let others love me”. Oh, yes I can relate to that!

Oct 11, 2008

ghosts


Be careful of the ghosts
still living in this city.
They might confuse you
and tell you that its me.

Oct 9, 2008

questions




What music do we dance ?
Our own, someone told me.

But there are times , we found ourselves on the dance floor, hearing a music we don’t recognize, dancing a rhythm that its not ours and happiness is absent.
“What makes you happy ?”
“Have you the guts to go after it ?”
“What makes you unhappy ?”
“Are you brave enough to leave it ?”

At the beginning there was the chaos. Then the questions were formed like thunders and rain and the chaos starts to clear up.
At the “Book of changes” The great image of Hexagram 3 says: Clouds and thunder: sprouting The noble man unravels the warp
And the judgement “ Difficulty at the beginning works supreme success,Furthering through perseverance.Nothing should be undertaken.It furthers one to appoint helpers.”

What can the “helpers” do for us ? Solve our problem? Sometimes or most times they can’t do that. They shouldn’t do that. The good teacher doesn’t give answers but questions. Questions that will lead us to our answers. Because only when the answers are ours we can unravel the wrap of the present we have be given.

What music we dance ? Do you want to be in this ballroom ? Do we dance with the people we want ?

Questions, questions, questions…..

Oct 4, 2008

frame-work



thirsty eyes
colors, colors, colors
they need colors
.
they live in a gray-land
and the path to the color-land
not yet open
.
but the frame is almost ready
to put the photo
of the future home
.

Oct 2, 2008

watchtower


Seeing and been seen

Sep 28, 2008

outside the walls


outside the walls
there is a fire

Posted by Picasa

Sep 24, 2008

visible winds




No words…
Don’t know what to say
Stormy winds
I throw some colors to them
To make them visible


Sep 21, 2008

blue-green


Green was a color I didn’t like in the past but my taste has change.
Blue was always my favorite color, as far I can remember myself.
Nowdays , blue together with green it feels “home”
Don’t know why, yet, not that is that important.

This blog has nothing important to say.
Just that I like blue and green.

Sep 12, 2008

lullaby.mp3

There are times we become kids and we need a lullaby to fell asleep.
Did you know that the song "summertime" is actually a lullaby ? I didn't till recently *blush*
Here it is:

Summertime, and the living is easy
Fish are jumping, and the cotton is high
Your daddy's rich, and your ma is good looking
So hush little baby, don't you cry.

One of these mornings, you're gonna rise up singing
You're gonna spread your wings as you take the sky
But till that morning, there's nothing can harm you
With your daddy and mammy standing nigh.

I said that to a friend and the next day I saved in my mind's hard disk his mp3 gift, for the nights I 'll need a lullaby to felt asleep ...

.

Sep 8, 2008

Sep 5, 2008

not enough

Love is not enough. I know that. I have learned that. But each time life proves that it, again and again, make me sad , so sad. As the first time I realized that love is not enough.
They love her. They say they love her but they are wrong. Because they hurt them.
Today they make her cry. I can’t see little children crying., and I hate to see others make them cry.

I hold her in my arms not to feel alone but this was not enough. Tried to explain her but this was not enough. Not for me not for her. Cause after all those years I haven’t find an answer to this “why” questions. I need an answer and she needs an answer too.

Its taught to be a child. You are not able always to protect yourself. You talk to them but the can’t hear. Too busy to hear. Preoccupied with their issues they fail to hear that little people’s voice talking to them, asking them. People fail to see and hear. Even the obvious is not obvious sometimes. Even you explain them the obvious wishing to start seeing, start hearing. But sometimes is not enough.

I guess this is when little people grown up. I guess is when you send away the little child because it doesn’t help you to survive. And in that child’s body a grown up being inhabits. You lock that little child in a dark basement and don’t let it go out. It can’t help you. But what is more frightening is that you can’t help it.

I don’t know what is going on in her mind or I do? Hmm, I think I do. She is confused, frighten , sad and all the answers to that “why ?” questions are not enough.

Sep 3, 2008

settlers of Catan



“In Settlers of Catan, players try to be the dominant force on the island of Catan by building settlements, cities, and roads. On each turn dice are rolled to determine what resources the island produces. Players collect these resources to build up their civilizations to get to 10 victory points and win the game”



This is a short description of the game. The beauty of it it’s that every time the board is different and each time you have to observe and create a new strategy. And of course there is a dice , and when the dice plays plans, strategies and forecastings fall apart. A good position or a bad position a good beginning or a bad beginning might means a lot or nothing. The strategy that helped you win at the last game maybe in the new one can not work. The dice is your friend , the dice can be your enemy.
Same game, different game. It's what makes that it exciting.


Dice .
What you get and how you play it.
That's all.
Always.
Everywhere.
.

Sep 1, 2008

back

.
.
Back
with a longer rope
maybe
.
.

Aug 30, 2008

the space between

At the background of the music I could hear the footsteps. Closed my eyes and a pair of shoes was asking me to wear them. I did and they took me for a walk. Gravity was not enough to keep me in the ground and the earth became a huge trampoline I flied to mountains. Rocky, green, snowy. I went to lakes and danced on their surface and dived to their bottom. In the warm sand I lye to rest and on the blue waters I draw cycles

Then , he came and invited me to a dance. Without resistance, I surrendered to him. I gave up my freedom and that set me free. Aggressive and gentle were both his hands, that lead my body to a sacred dance. He got into my mind , my body, my soul and swing me around the dance floor. The band was playing under a feelings-rain. We followed the music and the music followed us. Till the last note announced the past. .

He kissed in my eyes and I saw him fading. his images disappeared in the mist. I searched for the band to give me the moments but they had departure too. I squatted to take my dancing shoes off. A small piece of paper fall from my heart’s pocket. Two words were written with a space between them. “empty” “full” and with tiny letters an instruction was given. “fill the blank”.

I wrote “and” , fold the paper and put it back to my pocket-heart.

Aug 23, 2008

magic box

There was a man thousands years ago that loved to hear stories. He traveled a lot around the world and met thousands of people. To every man, woman or child he met he did the same question. “Tell me a story from your life” People talked to him and he wrote their stories.

After some year doing the same thing he noticed that some stories where similar. Then he started to categorize them and created 64 different categories. From that day, every night was putting the stories he wrote during the day in the 64 different small bags he had made. During wintertime when traveling wasn’t easy he opened each of the 64 bags and reread the stories. He noticed that in each bag, there where 6 differed kind of stories. He kept traveling, he kept asking but he was writing down less new stories. As the years were passing he was writing less and less. The stories he was hearing was already known to him. Till the time came where for almost two year he didn’t find a new story. Everything he heard was already written. It was the time to stop traveling.

The winter was almost there so he found a place to stay, make a wooden box and put his stories in the box. One night he saw a dream. He heard a knock at his door. He opened it and he saw a crowd of people entering into his house. We want the wooden box they told him. No its mine he replied. But the people start searching in the house to find the box. It belongs to us they keep telling him. He woke up . The dream was so vivid in his mind but he couldn’t understand the message. The dream keep coming night after night until one day, pondering on the dream and holding the box , he thought. Maybe gods don’t wanted from me to collect the stories but to spread them and those people coming in my dream and looking for the box try to tell me that.

When the spring came, he took the box and a bag and start traveling again. This time he didn’t ask people. People where asking him. “what do you keep in that box?” “stories” he replied. “can I read one ?” some people were asking. Of course the man was saying and opening the box. They were picking a story and start reading. From their face expressions and the tone of their voice the man noticed that something was happening. The people reading the story at the and were telling him. This is exactly what is going on in my life now.

The man at the beginning thought it might be a coincidence but after a long time the same thing happening again and again realized that this was not just a coincidence but something else that he couldn’t explain. Some of the people who read the stories visited again the man. There were people told him that the story they read help them to solve their problem and some others told him that they wish to pay more attention to the story they read because it turn to be the solution of their problem but they realized when it was too late.

“You are a wise man” one day someone told to the man with the box. No I’m not, he replied. I don’t do anything, the box does. The box and you.

There are many stories about what happened to the man and the box. Some stories say that when he was near to the end of his life he gave it to a young man and told him “remember, it doesn’t belong to you but to all the people” Some other stories say that he met some people that he trust him and let them make a copy of the stories saying them the same thing. “Never forget that you are just the carrier of this box. It’s the box and the people who search for it that make the magic. Don’t force the people to use it. Those who need it they will come and find you”

This is the story of the magic box.

Aug 21, 2008

summer


summer vacations at Kithira.

Aug 9, 2008

dream

I woke up with this marble head in my hands;
it exhausts my elbows and I don't know where to put it down.
It was falling into the dream as I was coming out of the dream
so our life became one and it will be very difficult for it to separate again.

- George Seferis; Mythistorema 3

Aug 8, 2008

shouldn't

I feel sad.

I shouldn’t feel sad, I should be happy
Because summer vacations are very close
and in my work I’m more productive
but I feel sad.

And I don’t know why.

Strange dreams come every night
Don't remember them
but this bitter taste
lasts all the day.

Aug 2, 2008

Sea

.
.


Into the blue water
transparent diver
surrendered to the forces
of drag and lift creatures
.
.
.
credits : painting by http://www.bertdalmolen.com/

Jul 29, 2008

what wants to be written?

When you can’t write then ask “what wants to be written”, a friend suggested me.
Its about the times where thoughts , ideas dancing in my mind but I can’t catch them and put them in the paper.

Almost 15 days left and I haven’t write almost anything. But there is a story in my mind that hides from me and I hide from it . I asked Yi, to see what I can’t see. I hear what I can't hear.

What wants to be written ?
19, was its answer.

Looked at LiSe’s hex 19. “The Caring Eye”

"The noble man teaches and ponders inexhaustibly, he tolerates and protect the people without limits "


LiSe says : On old pictures one can find the All-seeing Eye. It is the eye of God (or Allah, Manitou, whoever), looking down to the earth. In hexagram 20 it is the goddess, the female aspect of looking down, hearing prayers and sorrow and joy. Here it is Law itself, seeing, caring, and providing what is needed. It is the father of the family, making sure everyone can follow his Tao and find his destiny. His ego is not involved, he is objective and severe and fair, and without limits. He is like nature, like universal law, caring for all creatures but not being nice to them, creating life but not making it easy. Natural forces, storm and rain, wind and sunshine, they seem all merciless, but they sustain all life on earth.

Chuckles…. you can't hide from Yi.

Jul 28, 2008

clean

Cleaning the house today

They say, to keep a house clean
you have to threw all the useless stuffs
once in a while .

If you keep postpone it,
then your job becomes very difficult

So, I'm cleaning the house today

Jul 27, 2008

blues

Intruders came to my home
Brake to door
And with paint sprays
Wrote in my white walls.

Its not the written words
Makes me sad
just the blue stains
In my walls
.
.

Jul 26, 2008

dictionary

Words have different meanings
depending on which side you are .
"justice" when you attack
And "justice" when you defend
Don’t come from the same root

I guess I need a better dictionary
The one I use has only one definition

Jul 24, 2008

brief

We hardly know each other
Talked just couple of times
But his message
A beautiful surprise

He said he was sorry
In just couple of lines.
Explained me why
And wished me well.


Thank you.

Jul 23, 2008

on hold

Too many words are waiting to be written.
Trimmed ships and relationships
Drags and lifts
Words and definitions
Friends and time
Weaknesses and strengths
Courage and timidity
Befriends and betrayals

Too many words are waiting to be written
About the beauty of “Dare to Be”
But tonight I’m tired
I just want to sleep.

Good night, sweet dreams.

Jul 21, 2008

subjective

We all have to agree that people are different and all they try is to be themselves. As for the others, who disagree with theirs choices, they are not entitled to dictate what should or sould not do.

The rightdoing or wrongdoing is very subjective, and this is the way it should be.

Me thinks...

Jul 19, 2008

sticks

There are many kinds of sticks used for different purposes.

Walking stick when the physical condition of the body requires it. When the body regains its strength then shouldn’t be used because they become “crutches”.

Ski pole , which used from skiers to improve balance, speed, acceleration. Average skiers use different poles than more advanced skiers because their needs are different.
Climbing stick are used for similar purposes too. To make walking easier and prevent the body from harms and fatigue. They are also used as tools to inspect the soil.

As I see it, sticks can support walking, improve walking or even impend walking. It depends on the individual what they want to reach and what they consider as “enough”, I think.

Jul 13, 2008

resist-persist

.
.

"What you resist, it persists"

.
I keep resisting, it keeps persisting.
Go away I tell to it, but it comes closer and each time biger and stronger.
One of those days I have to think what to do about it.
.
.

Jul 12, 2008

while you were out


While you were out, lots of things have happened, you don’t know about. I feel sad for you. For the notes you have lost, because you were out.

You don’t know my news. My real news. You never asked although you know that something is going wrong. I left you a note but I guess you never read it.

While you were out, People they came in my life but they are there. They know more about me than you do. They can listen, they can feel and they can say things you never learn to say.

What is sad is that those people , hear words that maybe it would make you happy if you heard them from me. But thinks is as they are. We people talk to those you feel we can be heard. We say our news to those you ask “how are you doing”. When we are happy we share with those that would be happy and proud for us. And when we are sad we turn to those that will encourage us and give us a hug.
Sounds simple, isn’t it ?

While you stay out, those are the things you lose.
It is sad , isn’t it ?

Jul 5, 2008

horse whisperer

Life has a magic and mysterious way to bring special people in our path , the time we need them the most. The times we feel helpless, low, alone, unworthy , unloved, forgotten . The times we have lost our faith and we expect nothing good to happen. We starving for support, encouragement, friendship, love. We desperately need a hug, to hide in there for a while, take a deep breath and then keep walking in our pathway. And suddenly, someone or something arranges that meeting. Warm hands touch us tenderly and we hear “you are not alone”.

I know you did that and you know I want to say thank you, but I’m saying I’m still angry with you. You know that and you know why. Some day you will explain me why. I ask you when but you don’t reply. You send me that seal with the word “faith” glued in a blue and green piece of wood. I’ve put it in a box . Don't know how to use it yet.

Have you read the story of Pilgrim ? He was wounded in a terrible accented and became mad and wild. Nobody could ride him. Till the owner arrange a meeting with a Horse Whisperer. He whispered to the horse , they started communicate and finally the horse was tamed.
I know I’m not alone. You send my those signs. Now I have to trust the words you whisper in my ears. I hear you even if I don’t let you ride me. I hear you...

....Keep whispering. I hear you…

Jun 21, 2008

Penelope

He said :
choose a photo from this book
Write a story about Penelope.
Give the first role to her and use a person from the picture .
This Person should act as a catalyst in her life and change its flow.

Whaaaat ?
I have no person in my picture, I said teriffied and looked at my photo. It was an empty road. But then, in the empty road, I saw the person and I knew the story.

I know the story! Honestly I do but....for more than two weeks, Penelope and the Person are sittting together at a café . They just met but the time has frozen in that moment. Staring in front of a half –full A4 page, waiting for the ice to melt , become again water and flow in the paper.

My actors, Penelope and the Person, waiting quitely to tell the "Action!!!". They understand what is going on.
My numb hand holds the half-empty page. I know what is happening.

I breath ...and breath .....and breath again.
The “action” word requires a lot of air to be said

Jun 10, 2008

meantime

Photo by jurvetson

Is .

Is the phoenix afraid ?

When he puts on the fire,

the one he will fall in and consumed,

is he afraid?

.

And while the phoenix is burning,

just before he becomes ashes,

is he afraid?

Jun 3, 2008

duel


The swords adjoining
Thunders and thunderbolts
In battle fields

Past and future feuding again
Crown and kingdom
Will be the prize

Endless duels
Of I and i
struggle to death
to stay alive

Jun 2, 2008

runway


photo by EOS.650

On Monday’s nights
Driving back to home
I take the highway
Leading to airport

My car becomes an airplane
The road a runway
But just before it takes off
To reach the sky
It turns right

The pilot can’t flight yet
She has a lot to learn
Before she takes off
To heaven’s highway

May 30, 2008

mortal



One of these days,

I'll hang

my superwoman's uniform

in the closet

May 26, 2008

steps


Recently I discovered the wisdom of my body and the foolishness of my “thinking” mind . And during that times 52 played in my readings. My thinking mind has violated a lot my bodily system. But let me tell you a story


For a long time, Soldier-Body was complaining about physical and mental fatigue but it wasn’t heard. It tried many times to speak but the reaction of the General-Thinking- Mind was “Stop complaining ! We have work to do ! Work !” And the Soldier-Body unable to confront the General obeyed to his orders. But things have gone from bad to worse.

One day the Solder decided to disobey the General and refused to follow his commands. The General shout to him “Move!” but he stayed standstill and with a loud voice said. “I can’t move anymore” . and then he ceased every activity and went to rest in his courtyard. He could hear the General calling him to return to his duties. But he didn’t . This was his chance to change things, to the better for himself and the army he belongs to.

He stayed unmovable for a long time thinking the dangers of his condition. He was very exhausted that be became ill. His life was threatened. On the other hand disobeying to the general could cause him lots of problems. He decided to consult the Yi. Asked many questions to contemplate the situation and Yi told him ,again and again, two advices. 59.2 >20 and 46.2.6 >52.
Read LiSe’s thoughts “When everything is in chaos, then your can only rely on your survival instincts, your 'luck', your own wits, 'something' inside yourself which makes you find a way out.” And about 20.2 she says “Face the danger, don't run blindly. Awaken your creativity to solve this, instead of running away.” Make sense, he though and chuckled when he read “a flight of stairs”. Stairs and how to climb them is what those lines of 46 talk about and 52 about inner rest , something he desperately needed.

He went to find some friends of him,"He hurries to that which supports him". Amazing was the strengh he found inside him and make the small trips towards what supports him. His illness back off for a while and let him go there. One of the friends told him : “Think of distilling, where you want to keep the essence , but burn off the rest” Hmm, make sense too. I'm burning everything here, he thought.

The General knock his door and asked to discuss the problem. He has calm down now. Listen carefully to his Solder and promised to reduce his demands.

Things in the camp are better now.



Photo by Spigoo



May 17, 2008

decrease

photo by hickoree

Giving is not harmful. Neither for the giver nor for the receiver. Unless there is not balance.. Even in a lower position , a small rock holds a lots of strength and can support a big one Unless there is not balance. Then, the whole structure can fall apart.

As givers we sometimes have to reduce ourselves for the benefit of the whole. But there is a line we shouldn’t cross and loss us and get lost in the crowd . The same with the receivers. They can accept the other’s offer but to a point that they don’t diminish them.

So when we reduce the lower to enrich the higher we should never forget that line. This is not easy to do. How many of us have offer ourselves to serve someone or something and felt drained and naïve, and all that joy of offering became a thorn in our heart?

Giving is not harmful and sometimes is necessary but in absence of balance it can be.

May 16, 2008

tightrope

photo by orangebrompton

Sometimes walking our life is like tightrope walking at a great height. Safety nets are not always available neither balancing poles. All we got is our body . We stretch out our hands and walk along the rope trying to keep ourselves up there.


Acrobats use various balancing tools like hats rings, canes, and umbrellas. I choose to buy a notebook and a pencil to help me hold myself up. So for the next 6 weeks I’ll walk with a notepad and a pencil in my hands. Its scary up there and to be honest the tools I have are not the solution of my problem but for some hours I can smile. I search for the eyes of my friends who see me from down there and I smile to them too. They smile me back and my foots get stronger. And when the void tries to swallow me, I turn my eyes to the other side of the rope. There is someone I have promise to meet . I meet you there, I said to her and I’ll do my best to keep my promise.

Walking along a rope is an art and when you have to perform the feat make it as an artist.

May 9, 2008

pillow


Tell me a story,

As we are here
By the camp fire.
Under the starry sky.

On your pillow-laps,
I’ll rest my mind,
listen to your words,
and fire’s music.

Tell me a fairy tale

I’ll close my eyes
And follow you,
in your story-paths

If I fell asleep,
before the” happily ever after”
don’t wake me up.
Just kiss me for goodnight

May 8, 2008

May 5, 2008

break

.
So what are we going to do?
Keep fighting?

I’m hearing you !
But do you hear me ?

“I’m tired”, I told you.
“you are not allowed”, you said

For god’s sake
Give me a break !
.
.

Apr 30, 2008

empty titles

What does the word “title “ means ?

From Answer.com I found.
A formal appellation attached to the name of a person or family by virtue of office, rank, hereditary privilege, noble birth, or attainment or used as a mark of respect.
And in Law : The aggregate evidence that gives rise to a legal right of possession or control. The coincidence of all the elements that constitute the fullest legal right to control and dispose of property or a claim

Such a common word and so misunderstood .

We , the entitled individuals, sometimes we forget what that title we hold means. Which are our rights and which our responsibilities ? We think that from the moment we are given a name not matter how and why, this is when any effort pause. Some titles are given because we have work to get them and from a junior manager we become a respectful manager. To keep it we have to prove everyday we deserve it.

There are some titles that there are given because of the situation. Like father, mother, son, daughter. In such cases the work begins after entitlement. And this is very confusing for some people and out of that confusion they have claims, demands, expectations without willing to work for that.

In a work environment there is the job description paper to make clear to workers which are their responsibilities and which are their rights. But in other relationships things are not clear. We have to find ourselves what we are entitled to do and what not. Not knowing is just an excuses. I’m not saying that I can not accept that might be a solid reason but I believe that if you don’t know something we need to know we try to learn it.

I have been told that I don’t respect titles. It is true. I don’t. I show disrespect to empty titles. I don’t claim that I’m perfect. I have worked to honor my titles as possible as I could for my own peace of mind. But at the same time I was working hard to fill other peoples’ entitlements to make the work for them. But this was so wrong and this peace of mind was an illusion.

It hurts when the holders of empty titles call me disrespectful or egoistic but I’m practicing pain management and they say it works. We’ll see.

Apr 24, 2008

metamorphosis


While inside the cocoon
a caterpillar
struggles and grows
struggles and grows
struggles and grows
till the time comes
to slip out the cocoon
spread her wings
and fly away
as a butterfly