Feb 9, 2008


“I try more and more to be myself, caring relatively little whether people approve or disapprove.” Vincent Van Gogh

I love Van Gogh. Don’t ask me why and don’t expect to analyse his paintings Know so little about what is really behind them. Read some about his life, his letters, what others said about him , but in his soul nobody but he could enter and hear.

There is a painting I really love. It was like love in the first sight. You meet something/somebody and you love it immediately. If that has happened also to you, you know what I mean. It’s like a little miracle. And as Dimoula says “the miracle doesn’t ask. It grabs you by the ear and dragging hurls you into the light” The miracle doesn’t ask and doesn’t give answers either.

I have a poster of that painting in my home. There as some days that I lay on my sofa and just looking at this painting. I think it talks to me. Do ask me what it tells me, because I don’t know I can’t hear it. I think I talk to it but I can’t hear myself either . But its not important. It’s just there. When I need to talk, it is always there. In the wall, in my mind. It’s just there.

They say that miracles happened to those they believe them. And I’m ashamed to say that I stopped believe in miracles a lot time ago. But always something happens that make me doubt about my conviction.
Meetings again. Unexpected meetings. One of them was Yi Jing, the book of changes. When things are foggy in my mind, I turn to Yi. Like a good friend is always there to give me an answer. It helps me to make that deep dive inwards and find my answers. Creating that blog, was something that came out of nowhere ( I think ). Of course I always found a shelter to a piece of paper and it was also the encouragement of a friend told me “keep writing” , but still seem weird.

This painting and the Yi have something common. Both make my ask “how do you do that ?” And I find myself trying to find a solid explanation. To make the implicit explicit. But after I while this sentence changes to “How to you do that!!” And then I try to find the words to explain all that feelings. But how to describe a beautiful sound or image with words? We say is sounds/looks/feels like this, but “like this” or “like that” is not “what it is”. It’s something else and in the process to analyze it, we lose it. If we are luck and realized that and wise to stop it ,then, maybe we can save it. And then the only thing we want to say is “thank you” or even better say nothing. Just smile.

So I asked Yi “what is this blog for me ?” and Yi replied 24.1 to 2
I am sailing, I am sailing
Home again cross the sea.
I am sailing, stormy waters,
To be near you, to be free.
I am flying, I am flying,
Like a bird cross the sky.
I am flying, passing high clouds,
To be with you, to be free.
This song is for couple of days in my mind. Don't know why... or I do ?

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